FreeWrights Peer Review™

I didn’t need to know anything else; the welts on Toby’s legs told the whole story.
Julie, my ex-wife, never hit the kids,
so it had to be that fat-gutted live-in boyfriend.

Before I even got out of the car, Julie was on the footpath yelling at me
“I just called the police”
“Good call, and just you remember how long it takes them to get here.”

I went through the front door and there was that pile of shit resting on my lazy-boy,
the one the kids gave me for father’s day,
the very same one that the Family Law Court wouldn’t give me at the divorce settlement.

O-yeah I hit him, and I fuckin hit him and I kicked and smashed at him with an anger
I didn’t know existed,
and ohyeh,
sometimes I think,
i would have beaten a man to death that day,
if it wasn’t for the two coppers pulling me off him,
they must have been ex-military,
because they had me bundled up and frogmarched out the door in no time.
My anger drained away as they slammed me up against an outside wall of the house.

“Ok hard arse, why were you thumping into this bloke?”
“he’s been hitting my kids”
The two officers swapped a glance and then marched me back through the front door.

Fatgut is on the floor, spitting blood and pieces of broken teeth he screams “I WANT HIM CHARGED”

“Yes” said one of the coppers
we’re charging him with assaulting you and we’re charging you with assaulting the children”

“Well, hang on a minute, isn’t there another way you can deal with this?”

“Leave it with us” replied the copper.

They took me outside again and pushed me onto the front seat of my car
“You are getting away with it, but only once, do NOT. let It happen again”.

……………………………………………………………………………………….
I looked up at Col and said “sounds like you got a pair of quick thinking coppers”

“yeh maybe, or maybe it was just par for the course”.

Good story. Another ozzie gets cuffed and stuffed! What father wouldn't want to do this, but generally does not have the courage.

I'll pass on the cuffs mate, but i am partial to silk ties.

Outside of poetry, I don't write, but I am a reader. To me this comes across as a fantasy realized in words. Of course, that's the accepted nature of fiction, but this is not yet close to qualifying as a short story. So far it's only a climax to a story mostly untold. It is a satisfying ending--the kind that's routinely played out in my guilty pleasure B movies. If the ending must be typical, the story leading up to it must be told and told very well. Revealing the thumpee as abusive, fat, and a chair-stealer does not really count as character development. Even the (justifiably) violent hero is a only a Rambo-like shadow.

Allen

Allen.
It is supposedly a true story. Maybe the poor writing makes it seem like fiction.
Thank you for the comment.
k

The writing isn't poor; there's just not enough of it. And how's the saying go? Something like, never let the truth get in the way of a good story.

Allen