FreeWrights Peer Review™

Asterisks for the Intact


in you
everything
is a beginning

unattested

albeit a number of real
and imaginary lines
in the cartography

below the first layer
of my epidermis


~~~

I wonder if this is good enough for a competition? Please let me know what you think.

What's the theme of the competition?

I think that the concept is revealed in S3: what you are now--the real lines pointing to various veins, muscle and bones (perhaps an allusion to what you have accomplished thus far)--and what is barely concealed, that which we may become--probably intellectually and spiritually.

But then I'm thrown by the you in the beginning and my in the end. Seems like it should be "in me" and if not, I'm lost, my interpretation doesn't work so well, anymore.

Allen

it is the IBPC. I would really like to win a second place and eventually a first place. I don't want to say too much about the poem. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. But I am holding on to this poem, and if there is any other competition where it can be submitted I will submit it.

Thank you,
Sergio

I gain from this the little quirks and notions of a mate that slightly irritates the other. It happens in the best of relationships, because we are each our own person. All that being said, I just don't think there is enough meat here to be placed on the competitive platter.

Thank you bluejay.

Sergio