FreeWrights Peer Review™

Rus Bowden is involved with a project that is collecting poems about wrestling. This is something I thought I might polish and submit.



The prairie meets the mountains at a place
where the journey ends for the meek or weak.
Here, cougar cunning versus buffalo strength
versus diamondback lightning, and survival
is measured in the ability to circle and strike,
grip and twist, lunge and sprawl, stand or fall.
It’s a lonely place where a man crawls inward,
communes with a creature that will lead or carry
him to the peak. The only sounds are a chinook
gathering strength as it blows from the fringes,
sink it Sink it Sink It Sink IT SINK IT!
On your toes. Drive Drive DRIVEDRIVEDRIVE!
and a clap of thunder that slaps against the hardpan.

I absolutely love this piece. When the reader can feel, taste and see the direction of your poem then your poem is worth it's weight in gold!

Stand or fall seems trite to me, Steve.

There is much to enjoy --finding the critters inside and the slapping thunder--but I'm afraid the end situation eludes me.

Being picky, the chinook's burst is strength expenditure; the gathering makes no sound; maybe that's your point?

The part in italics would be more effectively set apart by dashes or parentheses.

Sink what?

I don't think that the conflict between the animals would make the short list, but I also don't think that's your intention:
Though there is no mention of a vehicle (you do say drive, but that verb is not exclusive to the road) I am imagining a motorist's wrestling match with sleep. I think that's a match that makes the cut. But it needs more illumination--headlights, radio, and open windows--to take us on that ride.

Allen

Interesting poem bluejay. I like it but agree with Allen on the last part.

Sergio

Okie dokie folkies. I can see that you guys were not wrestlers. I was in high school and college and it is a sport, IMO, that has little equal in the mano a mano arena. A couple hints:

Sink it refers to putting the half-nelson head lock on your opponent.

Drive refers to getting your weight off you knees and onto your toes, so you can power into the opponent after sinking the half-nelson.

The chinook refers to the zealous encouragement of any coach!

And the slap against the hardpan is the ref slapping the mat, announcing you have pinned your opponent.

Hopefully you will see this piece in a different light, but you have to have participated to really get it.

Abilene, thanks for thoroughly enjoying.

Drive did remind me of football; I should've made the connection, but I'm really not used to such a metaphorical approach from you.
Though I didn't wrestle, I'm quite aware that it's a sport. I'm reading John Irving's memoirs now--lots of wrestling stories.

Allen