FreeWrights Peer Review™

Topography


this is my story
and place of birth

a wheelchair
a body wrapped in a sack

a childhood jerked around
from an unwarranted curse

and a stubborn useless desire
for a pair of tailored hands

climbing up my thighs

This seems done, to me. The only thing you might consider is this:

like an unwarranted curse

changed to this:

from an unwarranted curse

I am having a problem with seeing anything being compared TO an unwarranted curse, but have no problem with the results from one.

Thank you bluejay, I think you are right. Great suggestion!

Sergio

This plays on my tendency to look for hope where it seems least likely. Maybe a desire, no matter how useless, can be a form of hope. That may not be your intention, but I appreciate your poem for bringing me to that thought.

Allen

I was thinking of just that Allen. It can be a motivating force if it is channaled correctly and that is why it was included at the end.

Thank you!

Sergio

This poem was just published in the fall issue of tinfoildresses. I am really happy about this.

Sergio