FreeWrights Peer Review™

from a lecture on influencing the enemy ....

Let me explain torture in mathematical terms: consider
pain as a 3-dimensional -- a box. If we increase
the diagonal that runs from a corner to an opposite
corner of this hypothetical cube, sometimes

by means of inexpensive discomforts (a drip; a scratch
at the elbow; a smell, for instance, urine rubbed
over the skin), we can achieve a box that swallows
the vaulted heavens. Of course, my use of metaphor

is in jest. We base the volume on the common
algebraic equation. The x, y, and z vary
with curve of breast, distance a pubic region stretches,
speed at which the lips twitch. We're surgical, precise.

And clean. As proof, see our morning lab: Lysol steam
runs hairs through a bar of sunlight that strikes
the sill and splatters into diamond bubbles. Sterile
alcohol sings a soft aria through the strands,

against the light. A smell that echoes objectivity
in the nostril. We're not the judge; we're the teacher.
We wave dendrite caps like those of fans
at a ballgame. It's a biological occurrence. An exact

science. Judgment is subjective. Not punishment.
We measure every fluid, every voltage. None of that
what-are-you-feeling malarkey of the past. The nerves
inform us. We watch. We listen. We never assume.
--Heph

Before I say what I don't like--which is very little--let me say that I think this is fairly brilliant.

I don't like the parentheses around the title.

There's nothing all that obvious about your intention, so the of course comes across as insincere. How about a perhaps?

I'm not loving the but after subjective in the last part.

Welcome to FPR!

Allen

Heph, the sarcasm is sharp. The real frightening thing is that some people are so violent they don't see torture in 3D. We think of it happening in government but not in our personal lives. Brilliant. And welcome, I am glad to see you here.


Sergio

Allen,

Thank you for your comments. I'm going to consider other titles. The thoughts here are still evolving. A good title would bring things together. Also I agree with removing the "but."

Sergio,

Hi, friend. I appreciate your stopping by. Thanks as always for the vote of confidence.

Thank you both for reading my poem,
Heph