FreeWrights Peer Review™

[align=center]Melissa, I would love you
mine would, I would
if I dared to disobey
my manhood,
could would should
is grafitti on the wall
is the junkie in the toilet stall
is the braying of old women.

He says "go forth and seek"
"seek what?", I cry,
"juicy cunt" whispers he.

"Its all my fault, I'm so sorry babe"
Melissa yells: (with smouldering eyes)
"Fuck off or I'll call the cops".
I damn Christ, I sing from
cherry-pickers, take cold showers,
and send flowers via e-mail.

(Its not my fault,
and no truer words are spoken)
My cock.
-------------------------------------------------------It has me by a leash---------------------------------------------------

[/align]

Many will read this and cry "Smut!" from their ivory towers. However, you only write the truth, in many instances. I have found that if you put a choker on the end of the leash, you will become afraid of not being able to breathe and self-control will soon be upon you.

yeah, its smut. But it in a teen-comedy kind of way.
And this a totally fake write for me, 'cause I was bored and just wanted to make up a story...and I don't have a 'Melissa' or anything but maybe it is 'true' for other people. So that makes it ok.

And i like some of the moves in this...and that's all I need to post something.
It's teenage, but so what? isn't everything...

I would say you were successful in the portrayal.It does have its good points.