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ghost writer

Tougher critique without any charring.

ghost writer

Postby jeRRy.whaLLey on Tue Apr 07, 2009 4:47 am

ghost writer :~~^

at the library where she'd bleed
she wrote in a book of fears;
made gestures like an octopus
spewing ink on pages 'n pages of horror
disgorging the flesh of her stillborn ideas --
she had a feel for weakness
could spot a victim on the sharp edge of a glance
'no spine on your books,' she'd say

its not the skeletons in her closet that scare me
nor the writhing way she wields her pen,
its the ghosts screaming inside her head
that make me forget to breathe again
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jeRRy.whaLLey
Dr. J
 
Posts: 248
Joined: Mon Feb 04, 2008 4:10 am
Location: North Vancouver BC

Postby TroutParadigm on Sun May 17, 2009 4:11 pm

Hi Jerry,

I am not skilled in the art of critique, but I enjoyed this poim. I wrote a poim called ThoughtSquids that contain a vaguely similiar thought inside your poim.

"that make me forget to breathe again." Very nice.

Trout
TroutParadigm
 
Posts: 36
Joined: Mon May 11, 2009 10:32 pm

Re: ghost writer

Postby C.J.Hoare on Sat Jun 06, 2009 11:40 am

jeRRy.whaLLey wrote:ghost writer :~~^

at the library where she'd bleed
she wrote in a book of fears;
made gestures like an octopus
spewing ink on pages 'n pages of horror
disgorging the flesh of her stillborn ideas --
she had a feel for weakness
could spot a victim on the sharp edge of a glance
'no spine on your books,' she'd say

its not the skeletons in her closet that scare me
nor the writhing way she wields her pen,
its the ghosts screaming inside her head
that make me forget to breathe again


Wonderful octopus imagery.....and a pleasure to read this one.
Just one thought your "its" in lines 9 and 11 should be "it's" ?
C.J.Hoare
 
Posts: 18
Joined: Thu Jun 04, 2009 9:10 am


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