FreeWrights Peer Review™

The spinning circling exuberant sky
the night has come so alive!
There above my wide eye view
The heavens dance gloriously
The universe is on FIRE!
Neon lights twinkle and spin
I am entranced beneath worlds among worlds
Of stars....

J.Tibbetts i.e. Abilene

Should we stop making poems that mention, or are dedicated, to the sky? Heck no. But it sure is difficult to say anything remotely new. I guess that’s why I get along with your first telling adjective, exuberant. But you follow that up, not so much with action or imagery, but with more telling. Okay, you’re entranced because the sky is glorious, and I could be happy about that, but what’s so glorious about it? I can’t share it because you haven’t shown me.

Allen

Mixing the natural view with the man made neon lights was a bump for me. To me it is not a good way to talk about the stars. Nature is so impossing that nothing man made describes it well for me. But that might very well be me. Just a thought.

Sergio

Abilene,

Good to see another post. It is a generic piece with the sky, stars, twinkling, gazing, etc. I don't know what to offer in terms of suggestions for improvement, other than to say that you need to give us someting that has not been given before. Go outside and take a few minutes amidst the bugs and darkness. Come up with something that is unique in your mind, not what you think others have said before.