FreeWrights Peer Review™

Men don’t hug each other!
Not the hard men, who went through the great depression
on the sharp edge of a broad-axe then fought their way up and over
the Kokoda Trail, to find the world had changed.

Changed so much the living past was only visible
through the bottom of an empty bottle.

I hugged him anyway.
One great expansive wrap-around
while whispering
i love you uncle keith

}new ways to make a fool of myself
why not just shake his hand ya friggin dummy{

Five years later I missed him by three hours.
My father turned and took me in his arms.

‘Keith said he owed you this’

..................................................................
Edit

Men don't hug each other!
Not the hard men, men who went through
the great depression on the sharp edge of a broad-axe
then fought their way up and over the Kokoda Trail,
to find the world had changed

Changed so much the living past was only visible
through the bottom of an empty bottle.

I hugged him anyway.
One great expansive wrap around
while whispering
i love you uncle keith

}new ways to make a fool of myself
why not just shake his hand ya friggin dummy{

Five years later I missed him by three hours.
My father turned and took me in his arms.

‘Keith said he owed you this’

Being a sentimental sort and a sucker for surprise, I really like this.
I do have a couple tiny suggestions. What do you think of placing your lines this way? ---

Men don't hug each other!
Not the hard men, men who went through
the great depression on the sharp edge of a broad-axe
then fought their way up and over the Kokoda Trail,
to find the world had changed

Changed so much the living past was only visible

It's just my opinion, but either lose the comma after hard men or do what I showed; "--- men, men who went through . . ."
And by leaving off the period at the end of the first stanza, it leads better into the next line

Hello Windy. Your ideas make for a much smoother read.
I was trying for something that only worked in my head.
Thanks a bunch.
k

k,

like all your prosy pieces, I found this very likable.

Were you trying to put this in italics?:

}new ways to make a fool of myself
why not just shake his hand ya friggin dummy{

Also, not sure, but could be either wraparound or wrap-around. Maybe depends on what part of the earth you live on.

Good work.

Yeah bluejay, wrap-around not wrap around.

I only wanted the pointy things to highlight some personal angst, but now that you've brought it up, the idea of putting it in italics is growing on me,

thanks
k