FreeWrights Peer Review™

Altruism

She took the ocean in a gulp
downed reason on an impulse
barked i love you in a slake
of sweat,
craven puppy, hapless in her need.

I took the world past caring
fell sideways through myself
spun truth out near the light
and replied,
no you don’t.

Putting this poem here tells me that you don't take it seriously. I think you should--put in the broiler. It has provoked thoughts in me.

Allen

Allen i thought this poem was going to work out ok when i was writing it, but when someone else saw the first draft they claimed it
- was an unnecesscarily mean spirited piece of writing -
so i went cold on the idea
but hearing other opinions would ge good so i'll post it in the broiler.
Thanks.
Maybe a mod will come and delete this entire thread.

kjb wrote:Maybe a mod will come and delete this entire thread.

kjb wrote:Altruism

She took the ocean in a gulp
downed reason on an impulse
barked i love you in a slake
of sweat,
craven puppy, hapless in her need.

I took the world past caring
fell sideways through myself
spun truth out near the light
and replied,
no you don’t.

the verity of wit in it is realEYEsed kjb -- very clever word play

Thanks Jerry. I appreciate the comment.

k