FreeWrights Peer Review™

A Tear in the Fabric of Space Time.

Most dark nights
You do a most peculiar thing,
You often wonder why.
You switch on this electronic machine,
Polarize it, view the night-time sky.
The vast silk of it,
The billions of little threads
Which are known as stars.
Some are fully formed unmistakable,
Others send a vague light,
Which take a while to arrive.
Their cool distant confidence
Reminds of egg whites,
The Milky Way, before being
Whipped into meringue.
Sometimes the sky seems
Ripped, torn into strips.
You’d swear there is a tear
In the fabric of its space time.

C.J.Hoare wrote:A Tear in the Fabric of Space Time.

Most dark nights
You do a most peculiar thing,
You often wonder why.
You switch on this electronic machine,
Polarize it, view the night-time sky.
The vast silk of it,
The billions of little threads <-- an extra space here between 'of little'
Which are known as stars.
Some are fully formed unmistakable,
Others send a vague light,
Which take a while to arrive.
Their cool distant confidence
Reminds of egg whites,
The Milky Way, before being
Whipped into meringue.
Sometimes the sky seems
Ripped, torn into strips.
You’d swear there is a tear
In the fabric of its space time.

well I've gotta say that I like Cosmic beauty verily -- here you've cooked up a great sky into 'Whipped meringue" which is sweetly rendered -- the beginning is viscereal simile which is the frisson of touch where 'You' makes it our rumination, then without hesitation you boldly go where a trillion billion lights have dared to go, 'which take awhile to arrive" -- it is a sweet poement with cosmically delicious descriptors without any apparent let down from the syntactical forms 'n rituals. -- I once wrote a piece where stars were the tears of night -- viva la couer, à la vie ... like Nietzche painted in his marvellous Thus spoke Zarathustra, we are a 'bridge' where the roiling of Natures longing takes us to the next wave of creation. We are a mutation and a momentary play on this thin organic film of symbiotic life, on this evolving Planet. We are this Planets thoughts and meaning. This Planet sees the Stars. Longs for them as a lover for the beloved -- from stars we come to stars we shall return, this ancient ache of longing urging us to burn, to shine on 'n on from inside out, where illumination is a fire without any doubt -- the Poets of the future will have a telescopic memory which bends around mass (Einsteins gravitational lens predicted in relativity theory used today) seeing the future we are becoming --

[quote="jeRRy.whaLLey"][quote="C.J.Hoare"]A Tear in the Fabric of Space Time.
well I've gotta say that I like Cosmic beauty verily -- here you've cooked up a great sky into 'Whipped meringue" which is sweetly rendered -- the beginning is viscereal simile which is the frisson of touch where 'You' makes it our rumination, then without hesitation you boldly go where a trillion billion lights have dared to go, 'which take awhile to arrive" -- it is a sweet poement with cosmically delicious descriptors without any apparent let down from the syntactical forms 'n rituals. --

Thanks heapsa muchly for reading and your comments....I am encouraged.


"I once wrote a piece where stars were the tears of night -- viva la couer, à la vie ... like Nietzche painted in his marvellous Thus spoke Zarathustra, we are a 'bridge' where the roiling of Natures longing takes us to the next wave of creation. "

Might I request you give me the title of your poem so I can seek it out....it intrigues me.

its not that good -- however the feelers like'd it


The infinite night

In infinite darkness
an ancient ache cried out
from which came many tears

and so they became
lights in the firmament;
Stars in the night!

From Darkness comes light
and of the deeper,
allured to those Dreams

a loneliness is cast
to the edge of forever
in longing swells.

There is nothing left to burn
when infernal anguishes sputter;
the Stars are falling!

* * *

With Darkness comes light
from the longing of the night ...

We echo each other like Souls as one,
between the watery Moon and the fiery Sun,
a Love ascends us to mutual bliss,
in ecstasies longing where lips cannot kiss ...

You are a Starry light in this Firmament
to which I wish upon your Star
for the writings and words like thee,
to bring forth happiness over misery ...

In the Darkest of Nights
where you swell with a Heart of Love,
Your tears are like the Starry lights
that were shed from up above!

Your tears are an instrument of Love,
as Stars are the tears of night!

[quote="jeRRy.whaLLey"]its not that good -- however the feelers like'd it

Isn't English devilish....my "tear" and your "tear" ....;-)

I don't know and think likely not...but I got this sense from your poem of how people deal with death and especially how they explain it to children. That a loved one who is now dead is that star in the sky.

But also it seemed you are exploring the nature of the fact that we live in a closed system....and all of it and us gets recycled.

But perhaps you as the Poet would care to elaborate on it for me?

Thanks for sending it to me.